‘So it is true — Retired boxers do run pubs!’
‘Of course at home I’m not allowed on the furniture.’
‘If you’re having trouble with your love-life, perhaps Boxer here can help you with a couple of pointers.’
`So what’s next on the agenda — Chinese, Indian or a Kebab?’
‘No thanks- If I have any more I’ll have to stop at every lamp post on the way home.’
‘I wrote to the council about those four lamp posts outside but they said I didn’t have a leg to stand on.’
‘The wife’s joined the library — She’s currently reading Fifty Shades of Greyhound.’
‘I’ll stick to lemonade thanks. I’m on the wagging.’
‘I would have been here earlier but I was collared by the manager.’
‘My owner is a sheep farmer from Kiel — He’s a real German Shepherd!’
“I don’t know about you, but when I’m wearing my collar people think I am a vicar.’
‘Must drink up otherwise they’ll be looking for us in the garden.’
A woman went to the doctor’s office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard. ‘What the hell is the matter with you?’ the older doctor demanded. ‘Mrs Terry is 71 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?’ The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said, ‘Does she still have the hiccups?”
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were three finalists: two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. ‘We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her.’ The man said, ‘You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.’ The agent said, ‘Then you are not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.’ The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, ‘I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.’ The agent said, ‘You don’t have what it takes, so take your wife and go home.’ Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from her brow. ‘The gun was loaded with blanks,’ she said. ‘I had to kill him with the chair.’
STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% IN AN EXAM.
Each answer is absolutely correct, and funny too.
Evidently, the teacher had no sense of humour.
Q1. in which battle did Napoleon die?
* His last battle 02.
Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* At the bottom of the page.
Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch and dinner
Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half
Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become?
Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping?
* He sleeps at night.
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has one hand.
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
* Very big hands.
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
*No time at all. The wall was already built.
Q13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want. Concrete floors are very hard to crack.
‘SIX LITTLE STORIES’
Well worth the 30 seconds to read!
Once all villagers decided to pray for rain. On the day of prayer the people gathered, but only one boy came with an umbrella.
When you throw babies in the air, they laugh because they know you will catch them.
Every night we go to bed without any assurance of being alive the next morning, but still we set the alarms to wake up.
We plan big things for tomorrow in spite of zero knowledge of the future. That’s CONFIDENCE.
We see the world suffering, but still we get married and have children.
On an old man’s shirt was written a sentence
‘I am not 80 years old;
I am sweet 16 with 64 years of experience.’
Have a happy day and live your life like the six stories.